July 24, 2008
Obama to Run for President of Europe (John Feehery)
BERLIN — In a surprise move, United States Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) announced today that he was switching continents and is now running to become the president of Europe. He endorsed former Vice President Al Gore to take his place on the Democratic ticket for the race for president of the United States.
Political analysts were stunned by the move, but an Obama campaign worker said it shouldn’t come as any surprise: “Listen, the euro is much stronger than the dollar. Europeans love Obama. Most of Europe (except those damn Brits) was right on Iraq, from our perspective. It really was just a natural evolution for Barack.”
Insiders say that it was the Germans’ reception of him at the Victory Column in Berlin that finally convinced Obama to change continents. “Barack was overwhelmed by the love expressed for him by the Germans, who are not a very expressive people. He told me that he couldn’t leave these people behind.”
According to other sources, Obama will push to change the European Constitution to make the presidency an eght-year term and to give the president and the European Parliament the power to tax. “Obama knows that this job isn’t worth a warm bucket of spit without the power to tax, and so he will make that the centerpiece of his campaign,” a source with knowledge of the move said.
Obama will also campaign to make his campaign symbol, called the Obama Sunrise, the national flag of Europe.
Obama is expected to give his first European campaign speech at the Bastille in France, the site of the start of the French Revolution. From there, he will campaign in every country in Europe at least once, spending more time where there is better shopping.
Obama is said to be very excited about Europe’s future possibilities. “Europe is still growing, still expanding and it is doing so by peaceful means. Ukraine, Georgia, Turkey, Armenia, Tunisia — really, the possibilities are endless. And Obama sees this as part of his destiny. Making Europe bigger and stronger and bigger,” the source said.
On Gore, Obama is said to be very excited about having him as partner to battle global warming and to end use of the combustion engine. “Barack Obama can have no better partner than Al Gore in achieving a joint vision of the environmental future free of gas, free of coal, free of wasteful electricity,” the source said. Some analysts see this move as a slap at Hillary Clinton, although Obama’s campaign workers say that is not the case: “Hillary is history. Gore is good. Nothing personal. Just business.”
According to close associates, Obama grew tired in his efforts to make America a “more perfect union.” One insider said, “America is not going to be perfect ever, so Obama thinks he can turn his attentions to Europe, which very well may be perfect with the right leader. They don’t have the original sins of America, they don’t have that history of racism, they like an active government. They like higher taxes. Europe is an older society, more mature, and Obama thinks they will be more willing to do those things to make it more perfect.”
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Feehery-
I get that you're angry there will be no Republican administration teat for you to suckle at for the next eight years, but what you should really be concerned about is the fact that no self-respecting humor magazine will hire you either.
Seriously, leave the satire to the professionals.
Comment by PR — July 24, 2008 @ 2:38 pm
John, your frustration is transparent. Good, as all neocons deserve and can use a good old fashioned dose of political frustration. Oh yea; "Yes We Can"
Comment by Lester — July 24, 2008 @ 2:43 pm
Maybe NObama can run for President of Germany after he loses in November. Remember, this is the same country that thinks David Hasselhoff is the new Elvis.
Comment by John Simmons — July 24, 2008 @ 3:24 pm
Such a different message & vision than the one we had for the last 8 years built on greed, fear and war. Barack's message is on the oneness of Humantiy and our shared and common goals — that we are all of us in this together. It was based on love and goodwill toward each other. That we are not alone and without hope. That only united can we build a better world. This is such an inspirational and great healer/teacher/leader! Is it not great that we are talking about peace and unity for a change? That speaks a lot in itself. He generated a lot of powerful, healing engery today. We must not loose it.
Comment by Angellight — July 24, 2008 @ 3:28 pm
I am not a neocon. I am a traditional conservative (although probably more libertarian in my outlook, thank most). I wasn't a big fan of us going into Iraq, but once we were there, I believed we had no choice but to win. But I am not a neocon. I don't like neocons. Please don't call me that.
Comment by john feehery — July 24, 2008 @ 4:01 pm
Feehery, your an idiot! Why you would think that this stupid attempt at humor would be viewed as anything but sour grapes at Obama's obvious appeal to the rest of the world.
People around the globe are anxious that America will elect a leader who can restore America's Abu Gharib-Guantanamo-tarnished image to what it was before Bush.
America may be again viewed as the hope of the world.
Comment by smilinjack — July 24, 2008 @ 6:53 pm
Most of these idiots have no idea what about the definition of a Neocon.
Comment by Robert Rosencrans — July 24, 2008 @ 8:26 pm
Why don't we allow Europeans to vote in American elections? Certainly they have a say in who's our President, don't they? Similarly, I believe that Africa should be allocated 35 electoral votes to better represent their views of American politics (hunger, AIDS, brutal killings of opposing tribes, etc). With Barack in White House, naturally we need to have Arab countries involved in our electoral process and also have veto power, so let's assign at least 50 electors to Muslim world. Finally, after equally spreading electoral representation in Latin America we'll arrive at the fair participation of all involved. Let's all leave together as equal! Just like that naive hippie, John Lennon dreamed it would be. Now, with Barack we finally have a chance to make it a reality.
Comment by Misha — July 24, 2008 @ 8:42 pm
NObama showed his true nature today in Germany. Instead of putting America first, he wants all nations to be equal. Why wouldn't our President want the USA to be first?
Comment by John Simmons — July 24, 2008 @ 8:52 pm
Here are some facts:
Barack Obama has raised more money than anyone ever. He hasn't taken a dime from special interests or lobbyists. He's gotten it all in small contributions from common Americans because he has inspired them in numbers never before seen.
That is the definition of leadership.
People actually do know right from wrong and are willing to support what's right.
I find it hilarious that McCain thinks Obama is being unfair for spending free contributions rather than spend the 85 million he intends to "accept" from our taxes. How much of a salary does a republican candidate get these days?
Comment by Jim — July 24, 2008 @ 10:10 pm
That's the first question for McCain. How much are we paying you to run?
You are aware that candidates are paid a salary by their campaigns?
I wonder what he thinks he's worth.
Comment by Jim — July 24, 2008 @ 10:14 pm
smilinjack.
I may be an idiot, but I also know that the contraction for you are is you're, not your.
Comment by john feehery — July 24, 2008 @ 10:58 pm
You are an idiot regardless if you know your contractions or not. You people that voted for and supported the worst president in the history of this nation twice should stay away from politics. You're destroying this country.
Comment by Aftermath — July 25, 2008 @ 5:03 am
Feehery, I stand corrected; you're an idiot!
Comment by smilinjack — July 25, 2008 @ 5:11 pm
I hope that The Obama Diasater will is averted this fall. The only problem is that the alternative would also be a disaster.
Comment by T-Bone — July 25, 2008 @ 6:03 pm
I meant The Obama Disaster, not the Obama Diaster - sorry.
Comment by T-Bone — July 25, 2008 @ 6:05 pm
I guess if I am so stupid that I spell Disaster as Diasater and Diaster you can all ignore my comments. But even so, I have coined Obama's presidency as The Obama Disaster.
Comment by T-Bone — July 25, 2008 @ 6:09 pm
I think one of the funniest things I ever seen is #5. John what is it that makes you not a neocon? Just because you aren't addicted to oxy and haven't been arrested in a men's room doesn't make you anything but what you write in support of
Comment by Jim — July 26, 2008 @ 11:00 am
Too funny John. Amazing how a little humor rattles the liberal cage
.
Comment by Wayne Kulick — July 29, 2008 @ 12:07 pm